“Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death.” Proverbs 10:2
Listen to the audio version here, if you prefer!
God’s economy works differently. Though the world’s financial systems may seem to benefit from “profit at any cost” God looks at our hearts and wants to change them to be more like Himself, regardless of what profit we make on this earth. In this process, a righteous heart will save us from death.
Lord, help me to be honest in all I do, even simply to make You proud. Strengthen me when it seems that doing a little wrong will benefit me, and help me to trust that your ways are the most profitable to my life, in Jesus’ Name, amen.
A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.” Proverbs 10:1
Listen to the audio version here, if you prefer!
This verse, that begins the two phrase, one verse wisdom that continues through chapter 22, of the book of Proverbs, plainly states that seeking to make wise choices makes a father proud. Solomon most likely experienced this from his father, David. However, Solomon – most likely also experienced the second part. He probably had the experience as well, of seeing the sorrow in his mother, Bathsheba’s, eyes upon making foolish decisions, especially later in life.
Lord God, strengthen and inspire me to be a wise son; to seek to make my mother, father, and most importantly my Heavenly Father (You) proud. Keep foolishness far from me just as I have given up childish ways, help me to give up foolish ways, in Jesus Name, amen.
I just came back from Winding River Resort Campground, where I had the privilege to facilitate a Father/son campout with a group of men seeking to pour into the lives of their boys.
(It also inspired me to take up this blog again, since COVID-19 changed all of our lives.)
It was a tremendous experience to see men be intentional about raising their boys and to be attentive to what the Bible has to say about the role of a father. There were also a few “non-fathers” involved, which impressed me beyond my expectations. My heart beats largely for men being intentional to raise their own sons/daughters, but God drastically impressed upon me, during our activities this weekend, the beauty of generational families and the importance of taking up the responsibility for the boys within your family.
Yes, he caught this fish! …and was tremendously proud!
These precious men and I discussed “A Target” for manhood (I named it A Courageous Man of God), “How to Reach the Goal,” some “Tools for the Journey,” along with “Why Press On.” It was a wonderful time of fun and fellowship.
The men also had an opportunity to formally bless their boys, which was one of the highlights of the whole weekend.
The blessing ceremony… priceless!
I would highly recommend an event like this if you have the opportunity! If you’ve never done something like this, we gather for GoldRush every year (lately we’ve done it…) at Winding River Resort Campground just outside of Grand Lake Colorado.
Can you be wrong? Is it difficult for you to be wrong?
By admitting when you are wrong, you humble yourself to the idea that you are fallible; capable of making mistakes. This is an important concept to a child who is looking to you for what it means to be a man. Men who “can’t be wrong” have children who feel as if they cannot fail because they want to be like you! Humble yourself, so that your child(ren) will feel like they can make a mistake and you won’t be completely disappointed in them – that is their worst nightmare. What I have come to learn is that a child, in a healthy relationship with their parents, would rather be spanked, or yelled at than to disappoint their heroes (and yes, mom is included in that).
I have volunteered in the Middle and High School ministries at our church for years. The most heartbreaking moments are those when an adolescent boy has been cut to the core by an authentic message from God and is sitting before me in humility confessing sin in his life while in tears because of the severity (in his mind) of what he has done, and he requests for me not to tell his parents because ‘they wouldn’t understand.’ We must allow our kids to fail. Don’t let your children think that you are never wrong, and thereby setting an expectation for them that they can never fail. Remember you set the precedent in their minds about how things should be.
A father who leads in humility has children who understand forgiveness. A father who leads in honesty has children who truly understand what integrity means and who strive to maintain their own.
“The righteous who walks in his integrity – blessed are his children after him.”
Solomon, Wisest Man of the Ancient World
Kids are smart, and they are great imitators. Don’t let your pride keep you from modeling honesty to your child in a vain effort to be “right.” They know you, and most of the time they know when you are wrong. Be honest, and admit it. You can do this!
My oldest dressed as David S. Pumpkins for Halloween
Are you “Always Right!” …? This is a common cliche’ of american men in our day. Or do you admit when you are wrong? Does your family think so?
The attitude that ‘you are always right’ is pride (the root of the tree). It’s not true even if it seems that you often are. I know this because there was a time in my life that I acted as if it were so. I was arrogant. God has brought a few people with this attitude into my life over the years to show me exactly what it looks like from the other side. I have discovered that an attitude of “I’m always right,” is ugly, even when smugly covered by humor.
As teenagers (and tweens), your children will arrogantly believe that what they think to be right, is “the way it is.” This will be difficult. Remember they will be adults and the same truths apply to their selfish-pride even now. Also remember, your job is to help them understand the difference between arrogance and confidence.
Confidence is different than the arrogance of “I’m always right.” Confidence is very attractive and having confidence in yourself, and the gifts that you have been given is a great example for your children. Confidence does not say I can’t be wrong, it says I will do my best to be right. Teach your children to be confident in who they are, and the gifts that they have been given, but also to accept when things don’t go their way, after all, they are human.
Everything you have, including the knowledge to be right (when you are) has been given to you, and it is not to be taken for granted. Even the ability to be confident is a gift meant for God’s glory, not to go to your head. When you keep in mind that everything you have has been given to you it breeds authentic humility which is drastically missing in our society today.
You can do this! It’s o.k. to admit when you are wrong, it’s very good for your sake and your children’s. It will give your children the opportunity to fail.
If you were to brainstorm all the specific sins anyone can possibly commit and make a leaf for each one, and then name each leaf as it is attached to a tree branch, each bow would be a particular area of sin perhaps, and as each branch attaches to the larger limb and eventually the trunk, you would find that the name on the trunk of the tree, where the leaves get their ability to grow, would be called selishness (pride).
Every sinful act that you have ever committed is somehow rooted in pride or selfishness. Don’t let your pride teach your child(ren) life should be all about them.
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves,”
— Paul, First Century A.D.
Wes and CAP – sibling rivalry much? This is the training ground for learning humility! 🙂
Your children will respect you more when you are wrong, and you own up to it asking for their forgiveness, than when they realize that you are so stubborn you will act like you’re right at all costs, even the expense of your honesty. Not only will they respect you more, but it is a great opportunity to be an example of humility, and to model how we are all in need of forgiveness. It’s also a great demonstration of what to do when they mess up.
You can do it! Admit when you are wrong, and recognize that we all need forgiveness and grace. If your children learn that now, they will be able to focus on giving grace and forgiveness to others.
Last month, my Jewel and I had a tremendous opportunity to go on a Father-Daughter Camp Out! Our church has coordinated intentional camp-outs for dads and kids for many years. They call the Father-Son Camp-Out “Gold Rush” and the Father-Daughter Camp-Out “Silver Run.”
It was a great time. I was able to spend some great time intentionally pouring into my daughter and focusing on what she liked to do (my Jewel likes to camp – my Gem does not). I told her that we could do a whole bunch of “stuff,” which the campground afforded (including a petting zoo), or we could just sit in our hammocks and read all weekend. We did a little of both, plus she made some great friends with the other daughters that were there.
My Jewel setting up our hammocks
This was wonderful, not only because it gave me time alone with my daughter, but the organized event also offered some together time. We had sessions around the camp-fire, as well as a hairstyling contest…
…and a kickball game (dads vs daughters).
Dads vs Daughters Annual Kickball Game
But some of the best time, was actually when it rained… it rained the day we got there so we sat in the tent and played cards, and then Saturday afternoon, we spent lunch eating hotdogs in the rain – of course, we had our rain gear on, and it was really fun.
Hot Dogs in the Rain
Memories that will last! … and she is already talking about wanting to go back next year. If you’re in the Denver area, why don’t you come with us?!
My “Jewel” loves to swim at our neighborhood pool. She asks, what seems like, every day to go, and sometimes my wife will indulge her. Therefore every time I am home, she will ask me to join her, and this time she “gave me permission” to sit on the side.
“Do you want to come sit at the pool, dad,” she asked, knowing that I was resting – my one day that week, “You can rest at the pool.”
The moment I agreed to go with her, my industrious drive kicked in. I figured that I might as well make good use of the time. I racked my brain between bringing my computer, or just a book from my list of “read-nexts.” That process was a difficult decision and not at all restful… even though it only lasted a few minutes. I, indeed, had a number of things on my mind that needed to be accomplished, which made it harder to decide. I chose to read a book, that had been on my shelf for years and that I had recently been compelled to actually read. The book was on a Father’s relationship with his teenager (So really it was only partially resting, as I would continue to study how to be a better dad).
My Jewel at a hotel pool (after hours).
When we arrived at the pool, my daughter immediately got in, and I realized I had forgotten to bring a journal in which I had intended to do my daily study (still multitasking — guess not!). Upset by this, I dove into my book (pun intended), somewhat disgruntled… and only read two paragraphs. What I read was this:
“Time is a scarce commodity… We only have close contact with our children for a limited period of life. Those of us with adult children know how fast time passes. Once it’s gone, you can’t get it back.
“My encouagement to all dads is this – take the time today. When your children are grown, the bulk of daily stuff that robs you from them today probably won’t matter.”
–Josh Weidmann
So…
I put the book down… and got in the pool.
I’ve heard it said, ‘Don’t sacrifice today on the altar of a tomorrow that may never come.’ However, you say it, the point is the same. Your time is the most valuable possession you can give to your kids.
So, give it… Today.
Get in the pool!
This is the book I was reading!
It is a few years old, but the concepts are extremely relevant. If you have a teenager (or the age is quickly approaching) I highly recommend it!
Do you have to always be right? Did your dad? Has God placed someone in your life who argues more about being right than about being honest? I found that that person was put right in front of me to show me a tendency in me, that God wanted to remove.
HONESTY: The courage to BE THE TRUTH in word, and in thought, and in action.
When a man begins to bend the truth about the moments leading up to, or the thoughts that contributed to his remarks – that turn out to be inaccurate, the “integrity of his vessel” begins to be compromised. While the word integrity means “adhering to a code or moral, or artistic values,” it also refers to, “the quality or state of being complete or undivided.”
In the concept of Honesty, the word integrity uses both of the above definitions, it relates to a moral code… being the truth, and the complete picture of what the truth is. Your integrity, like that of a ship, has a wholeness to it. If you are dishonest, then your “ship” has a hole in the keel and is taking on water. Your integrity is no longer intact, and while a ship can take on some water and still float it is a practice in futility to continually compromise the integrity of the ship that is keeping you afloat.
“The righteous who walks in his integrity – blessed are his children after him!”
Proverbs 20:7
One of the reasons for ‘blessed are his children after him!’ is because your child(ren) are looking to be like you. A man of integrity is blessed, not only because of his integrity, but because it honors God who then returns the favor, and your children will see this and seek it themselves!
Me, dressed as Commodore Steven Daugherty in “BRAVE We Stand” – a Kids show teaching Authenticity, among other things.
I have often told my children, “Being right is not as important as being kind.” When you are wrong, it does not compromise your integrity. A ship may head the wrong direction, but it is still afloat, the same is true about your relationships.
Seek honesty before you seek to be right. It’s hard, but you can do it! Plus, its a great example for your children.
Have you ever met someone who is so outspokenly confident in what they are saying that they will never admit that they are wrong? …and then even when you point out indisputable evidence that can only prove that what they have said is inaccurate, they come up with some further and usually outlandish concept of how they are still right in saying what they said? …and then they find some reason, also often farfetched, to why they could have possibly misspoken – even to the point of attempting to deceive you about the realities that led to them speaking in the first place? …and it was apparent to you that they were simply wrong from the get-go, wasn’t it?
Yeah, it’s like that for your kids too.
For me, it’s possible to see an egotistical co-worker behave this way and dislike that aspect of his personality, but simply chalk it up to his quirks and move past his perceived inability to be wrong. But what if that guy is your dad? (Was that guy your dad? Then you may already have some insight into this… or perhaps more fitting – are you that dad?)
If your children see a stubborn “right-at-all-costs” streak in you, yes, they will be able to move past it, but you will teach your children either to do the exact same thing themselves, or they will swing to the opposite side of the equation and despise people for doing it and do everything in their power to avoid this themselves.
Do you admit when you are wrong?
Cap and Wes helping me fix a mistake my company made…
Admitting when you are wrong not only gives your children permission to be wrong themselves, but it also teaches them how to be honest when they are!
