“But if I don’t help him, he won’t be able to do it…”
Is that right? or is the truth, that if you help him he will subconsciously think that you don’t believe he can do it on his own?
I believe the question truly becomes, “is their need for help simply your perception? does it stem from your own need to help, so that you feel needed? or is it that they are truly incapable of accomplishing the given task with out you? You can make this call, but be honest with yourself about it. Do you know them, or the situation, well enough to truly make the call on their ability to accomplish it? Try to be at that place, before you determine whether or not to believe in their success or failure.
I’m talking about behavior, remember…
The reason I put a picture of us climbing a mountain is that I find we often understand the concept of discipline, and “try, try again” when it comes to exercise or adventure, but we forget that the brain learns skills the same way, whether it’s leaning the appropriate way to dribble a basketball, or learning the appropriate way to respect their mother.
BUT WHAT IF THEY FAIL?
Failure is often the best teacher, when love comes along side the failed child and helps them back to their feet to try again! This concept is true in so many areas of life. So, let them fail.
From a behavioral standpoint, when a child feels that they cannot fail without major repercussions it leads to an extremely stressful life. I want to discourage you from holding such a high standard for behavior that your child(ren) don’t feel that they can make a single mistake. We all make mistakes… so set expectations, but make sure they know that you love them no matter what.
I also want to encourage you to allow your child to fail, while it’s cheap. It’s far easier on your pocket-book for your child to brake a window, than to crash the car. Though those two may not seem related, when the disobedience of a child causes both, the root problem is the same. It’s also easier to physically require obedience of a 4-year-old than a 14-year-old… just sayin’. So, start now! Not only is it easier on you emotionally when you are less invested in the object of their destruction, but if they grow up with an understanding of your love for them, even if they fail, they will strive to succeed for you far more!
It’s true with hiking, rock climbing, as well as learning life lessons. Don’t save your child(ren) from the consequences of their actions. Let your child fail, pick them back up, discipline them if necessary (or allow the natural consequences to be felt), and allow them to try again. The way we learn to walk, run, climb etc. is from understanding what causes us to falter, then avoiding those steps the next time. The only difference on the behavior front, is that sometimes it is necessary for you, as dad, to bring to their attention the falter.