Don’t Set the Bar Too High

After posting on temper, I feel I ought to speak on unrealistic expectations; setting the bar too high. Dad it is your job to know your children well enough to understand their abilities and set appropriate expectations for them. This will greatly benefit them, give you more opportunities to encourage them, and keep your temper in check, because more often than not the temper flares when what you expect doesn’t happen.

I have seen many dads who want their sons/daughters to make them look good because of what they can achieve. Unfortunately, this sets your child(ren) up for failure. First, because you are not validating them – but their achievement, and Second, it becomes a conditional love that when unmet becomes a lack of love (at least in their eyes).  A child in this scenario feels that they cannot fail, because they don’t want to let down their hero, and yet many times they cannot help but fail because the bar is so high. This leads to a great deal of stress among children these days. The weight of not letting down their hero is greater than that of failing themselves. I’ve seen it in my youth groups, and it’s hard to watch.

The Cassford Kids – Halloween Heroes

Please hear my heart. Expect great things from your children! I am simply seeking to encourage you away from setting an unreachable or conditional love above their heads that will become a burden to them. Think the best of your children, but know them well enough to know what their best looks like, prayerfully and realistically… and love them all the way through it. Otherwise your children will believe that they can’t fail, and that is a hard place to be… because children will fail, and for you to be ashamed of them is the worst possible scenario in their minds.

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