Do you know your toddler’s favorite book? or food? Do you know your elementary child’s favorite color? or flavor of ice cream? Do you know your Middle Schooler’s favorite subject? or band? or app/game? Do you know your High Schooler’s favorite fast food joint?
At the end of the day, children are very in tune with your desire to know them, and believe in them. As I related the story of “Sweet & Low” to you, I explained the things that I needed to learn about her. This engaging takes time. Sometimes you can talk to your children, or try to teach them, but not engage. There is an old adage that goes “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” Nowhere is this truer than in the parent-child relationship. They want you to care for them because you want to, not because you have to… and they know the difference.
Undivided attention tells your child(ren) a lot about your desire to know them. Disinterest, from you, all too often distances the relationship of a child to their hero. They want you to be interested in what they are doing, in what they have accomplished, and in what they believe. Along the same lines, showing them interest because of something that you’ll get out of that interaction teaches a child to be self-centered, even though they will meet the realities of your selfishness with disdain, initially. If you honestly seek to understand the child you have been blessed with, you will be surprised at what a blessing they truly will be to you. So, care to know them, for who they are… not for who you wish they would be.
It doesn’t do any good to try to mold them into something they are not. Kathy Koch, in her book The 8 Great Smarts, says it best, “Raise the children you were given and not the ones you wish you had.” Every child has his or her own preferences and way of doing things, and it’s your job, Dad, to discover what that “bent” is.
Being engaged in the life of your child(ren) should carry some weight. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it may spoil some football games. Yes, it may even mean you have to move around some work obligations. But, next to your wife, your child(ren) should hold highest priority. So, engage in their lives, their interests, and even indulge their foolishness in order to express to them love, value, and validation. You are their hero, you give them hope!
*interested in the book, just click on the image to buy it now!