Have you ever had “one of those mornings…?” Where things seem to be going along just “swimmingly” and then:
“We’re leaving!” is the call from the mother downstairs.
“I know!”
“Are you coming?”
“Why wouldn’t I be!”
“It’s time to go!”
“I know, I can’t find a shirt that fits,” the child says standing in the midst of a tremendously cluttered room strewn with clothes and text books.
“Your past choices are catching up with you,” comes the fatherly response with a calm undertone and a matter-of-fact delivery, upon realizing that he must get involved.
I wish I could say that my tone was always matter-of-fact and calm, but that is not always the case. My teenager has a certain grasp on how life is set up to work, but then demands that everyone else should conform to their understanding (or misunderstanding) of every situation.
Sound familiar, at all?
We are currently in the throws of letting out some of the teenage safety rope, and then pulling it back in; Giving opportunities to be independent, and revoking the privilege of making choices. There is a reason the teenage years are notorious for being tumultuous.
The reality is that we, as people, often fall victim to our past choices, especially when there are many bad choices in a row. Even as Dad there was a time when I realized that I was leading my children down a path that was filled with examples of bad choices. It’s there that I had to humble myself, and get back on the right track.
Teach your kids to do this too!
Here is where the rubber meets the road – cuz it’s hard for a teenage mind to get this right away. Hopefully this makes it more simple:
- Stop, the stress
- Assess what choices got me here
- Make different choices next time
I’ve also found it best not to berate the child for the choices, but to simply line out the choices that led to this moment… when there’s time of course.
In the above situation they had to get going, so in the moment there was simply foreshadowing of a conversation to come, when both of us are calm and able to have an adult talk. Believe it, or not, that can happen, but do it in love.
“Let everything you do be done in love.” –1 Corinthians 16:14
“WE ARE MEN OF ACTION…”
Dad… I challenge you to calmly bring to your teenager’s attention the choices that have led them to their present position. The greatest challenge is to do this in love, and not scold them for those choices. Loving tone, loving motivation, loving responses, as well as loving truth can be very compelling. Love can be tough too. Don’t be afraid of your decision being the opposite of what your teen thinks “ought” to be your role in a given situation, you’re dad. Love seeks the best for the other person. …yeah, do that!
You can do it, C.A.S.T. your love upon your kids this weekend! Do what is best for them.