One of the most difficult parts of being a dad, is consistency. The patterns that we live by are picked up by our children and become part of their “normal.” The trouble is if you have a habit, or pattern of behavior that is not
something you are proud of there will be no distinction in the lives of your children, and they will accept that pattern as acceptable.
So, let me encourage you toward building a pattern of trust with your kids. If you say you are going to do something, do it to the best of your ability. When you know that there is something that they really desire, show them that you seek to accomplish it for them – even if it means bringing up your desire along with the realities of why it can’t be accomplished yet.
Specifically, for the safety that your child feels in coming to you with their “issues,” build a pattern of trust when they are small so that it is a pattern in their lives to bring you their troubles. You wont feel that this habit is drastically important when your first child is small, but if you wait till you feel it is necessary it will be to late… so start now. One of my greatest fears is that one of my children will get into trouble, and then not tell me – because I have made them feel that they can’t make mistakes.
I have volunteered in the middle school ministry at our church for years, and the most heart-breaking moments are those when an adolescent boy has been cut to the core by an authentic message from God and is siting before me in humility confessing sin in his life while in tears because of the severity (in his mind) of what he has done, and he requests for me not to tell his parents because ‘they wouldn’t understand.’
I have tried to lay a foundation of trust with my kids, that allows them to feel comfortable talking about many different things that may seem awkward or embarrassing to others, but because we began early in life – when they were still learning “how life works”- those feelings are not as common. This is where the concept for “Dad Talks: Sex” came from. Consistency is the key to this, but the way you interact with them, when they are ‘foolish’ or ‘ignorant’ to something that you think is simple, plays a big role as well.
Build a trusting relationship with them now, you will need that track record later in their lives when the “wheels come off.”
“WE ARE MEN OF ACTION…”
So, Dad… I challenge you to build trust with your children today. Devote 15 minutes to discovering your take on a given subject. Do your best to dig deeper than just “it was cool,”
but don’t push so that the get exasperated with you. Simply show interest in what they are interested in, and let them tell you about it. The idea is making them comfortable talking with you, about anything… trust me, it will come in handy in the future. No judgement, just listening, and understanding.
You can do it! Have build a trust relationship with your kid(s) today!