When it comes to motivating people, your children included, making a bigger deal out of a simple act of correct behavior can be very useful in directing them… the simple term is positive reinforcement. However, seeking to be honest, I often got caught up on having to “manufacture” a bigger response than I would naturally give… once I understood this concept, I no longer saw it as being dishonest, but as being motivating and I simply increased my natural responses.
When I was in college, at West Texas A&M University, there was a magical moment that comes to mind when I think of the concept of making a big deal out of certain behaviors. I am a “words of affirmation” guy* as it is, so this relates very naturally. I was taking a tap-dancing class, and no one else showed up for class that day, so I had a one on one class with my instructor (very cool). She was teaching me how to do a step that is called “wings”. I had never done it before, and so she would demonstrate and then I would try to imitate what she did. I distinctly remember one time that I tried to accomplish it she exclaimed, “Perfect!”
…it wasn’t perfect, but that’s not the point. The point is that even though I knew it wasn’t perfect, when she affirmed that what I had done was well on the way to getting the concept, it caused my heart to soar and inspired me to work even harder at being “perfect.” You don’t always have to see perfection to affirm action in the right direction, especially if you see the motivation of their heart is pointing at obedience, or righteousness. Pour on the encouragement. Validate the efforts of your child(ren).
Your children’s behavior won’t be perfect, in fact they will be far from it, so don’t wait for perfection! If you have a semantic problem with the word “Perfect,” don’t use it… the words “Good Job!” go a long way! Don’t underestimate your power to inspire your children!
You can do it! Build up your kids today, they need you to validate them. Tell them they are enough! Especially for “Words of Affirmation” oriented children your words are very powerful.
*for more information on being a “Words of Affirmation” person check out Gary Chapman’s book:
