Any Guru, parental advice columnist, or grandparent will tell you that the most important thing to be as a parent is consistent. Well… what I’m going to tell you is going to… “go right along” with that!
The reason they will all say that is on the other side of parenting, is this thing that many of us feel on Monday morning when we are so sure of what the quarterback should have done the day before! But there is truth in it, and to the best of your ability I will commend to you that you too be as consistent as possible. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES… that will break the consistency.
Do your best.
Consistently be a part of their lives. Stay abreast of what they are interested in (because that can change daily), engage in activities that they like whether you like them or not. Knowing that Dad wants to be with them regardless of the activity will have a great impact on their lives.
Meg Meeker, in her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, describes the consistency of impact that her father had on her (and notice the imperfectness of this man she highly regards):
“My father always made sure that I knew he loved me. He was an eccentric man, quiet, antisocial, and extremely smart… I was his daughter and that was a very important thing to be. Did he tell me often? No. He didn’t talk much. So how did I know? I knew because I heard him worry about me to my mother. I watched him cry when my brother and I left home for college. He came to many of my athletic events but missed many more. But that didn’t matter. I knew that he thought I was terrific at sports. (In fact, he believed me to be much better than I really was, but I didn’t want to set him straight on that one.) I knew he loved me because he made our entire family go on vacations together… He knew that we needed time to be together. In the same camp. In the same dining room. On the same hiking trails or in the same canoes.”
The consistency of her father’s message is unmistakable, even though he was not constantly at every event.
Be careful, not to confuse the word consistently with the word constantly. Consistency has more to do with the word integrity, than the word constantly. As Dr. Meeker pointed out, her father didn’t come to every game, but he made it quite clear to her, how he felt about her abilities. The first definitions of consistency have to do with the “firmness of a material.”
Think of your consistency (in being a part of your children’s lives) as the firmness of your desire to make sure they feel loved, valued, and validated.
There are parents who are constantly taking children to practice for this or the other sport or activity, with no degree of firmness in their desire to validate them. This sounds to me more like a taxi driver than a parent. I know that I’m playing with words, but there is a difference here that I believe is important. Consistency is “harmony of conduct or practice.”
Do you always show your children how proud you are of them and their abilities – or even their inabilities if they aren’t so skilled? You don’t have to constantly run yourself ragged for the sake of your children, especially if they are only slightly interested in the sport, or activity to begin with (and think twice, if they are involved in sports/activities strictly because it gives you time for other things). Activities and sports have busied our lives so much, these days, that family time and true investigation of a child’s “bent” is at risk of suffocation.
Regardless of how many activities they are involved in, if you are consistent in the validation of your child(ren) you will foster an appropriate admiration for you that is nothing short of “hero worship,” and it will come with respect and obedience too!