If you’ve been following encouragingdad.com for a while you’ll understand that the title question doesn’t mean what is your occupation, or can you sculpt a coffee table with your bare hands… so when I ask the question what kind of man are you, the operative word is: KIND. What type? what sort? what characteristics do others use to describe you?
Personally, when I used to try to answer this question my answer used to be, “Not the one I want to be, for my children’s sake.” The great thing is you have the ability to make choices… and you can choose to change your expressions to be the sort/type/kind of man your kids need. Sometimes it will seem like the picture at the top of the page, chipping away at the self-oriented lifestyle you’ve grown accustomed to, but often that is the point. Just remember that to carve a beautiful sculpture there will be some shavings on the floor. This is my story… the process of training my children began with reorganizing, me and my choices. I was fortunate. I was given the grace to see this reality early in life:
A girl looks for a man like her father, because he (good or bad) is her first understanding of what love is supposed to be.
For me the realization of that concept was terrifying! What kind of thoughts does this conjure up for you? Are you comfortable with that thought? or do you are you thinking things more like these:
- “I’m not a good example of what a man should be”
- “I make so many mistakes”
- “I didn’t have a good role model myself”
- “I still have a long way to go.”
- “Maybe I should get out of her life, so she won’t be effected by my inadequacies.”
I thought many of these as well, but then I realized that, as valid as those arguments may seem to be, they don’t change how God created life to work. You are THE Man… the one God chose to be the example for your children. Just as much as you are inherently your child’s hero, you are inherently what they think of when they think of what a man ought to be. So, don’t teach them that a man runs away from problems, or screams at them. Don’t give up! Give in, to the idea that you do have some work to do, but being their dad, their hero, is the best thing you can do, no matter what circumstances came before you realized this. So, love her well!
Being a father, for the first time, is a totally new thing to most men. I have yet to meet a man who had all the answers when he passed from simple adulthood to parenthood. It will take some time to transition, and you won’t get there overnight, but lean into it. Your children are totally worth it!
You Are The Man in your families life. Your children look to you, no matter what you think they are saying to you verbally, or non-verbally. This means that you have the ability to shape your daughter’s perception of what a man should be, and/or you are the guide on your son’s Journey to Manhood, and best of all, God will give you the tools to accomplish this task!
*Top Photo by Clem Onojeghuo Middle Photo by Federico Enni