Are you a complainer? Are your kids turning into complainers? Is it a problem to be a complainer?
I had the fortunate upbringing that helped me to look on the bright side of things, and do my best not to complain. … but I learned to do it as an adult!
I remember being at the final luncheon for a summer camp, where the staff was getting awards. A friend of mine got the “biggest complainer award,” and everyone thought it was funny. To be honest, I wouldn’t have titled him that. That was just the way he was, but for some reason it has stuck in my head and it seemed derogatory, so I chose not to laugh.
There has always been some nebulous negative connotation on complaining, and for years I simply accepted that it probably isn’t something I should make a part of my life… then it became part of my life anyway. I think it’s part of the human condition/curse that when we don’t like something, or it’s not going the way we think it should that we complain.
Well, my wife stumbled upon an article that lines out some neurological downsides to complaining. Finally some scientific evidence to what I thought, but had no words to describe.
Dr. Travis Bradberry lines out, that Complaining Rewires Your Brain for Negativity. You can read the full article she found here.
It said:
“Repeated complaining rewires your brain to make future complaining more likely. Over time, you find it’s easier to be negative than to be positive, regardless of what’s happening around you. Complaining becomes your default behavior, which changed how people perceive you.”
The article goes on to talk about complaining shrinking the hippocampus, how it’s bad for your health, and then gives solutions as well.
…there is a lot of “thick” concepts in the above article, and even in the previous paragraphs that I’ve written…
Bottom line, teach your kids to have an attitude of gratitude. When they complain, simply offer a positive way of saying what they are trying to express.
There have been many times where my wife and I have simply reworded their sentence so that they would express themselves in a more positive way. When there is no emotion, or horror, to how the child said it originally, there is usually little push-back for the child simply to repeat the expression the way you said it. This works best when the children are young and first learning how to speak, because they are readily taking cues from you already and they won’t think anything of it.
As they grow, and question why they should say it they way you “want them to,” simply explain it to them. Life is better when we have a positive outlook on things, and an attitude of gratitude toward everything. Everything we have has been given to us anyway, so be grateful.